Isaac's Death

I am very angry that Isaac died.

I am also angry that I don't know how he died.

And I'm angry that it's rude to ask. It's driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking about him! I just can't believe how irreversible death is without Christ. It's so frustrating.

Stress

It's INCREDIBLE how stressed I get from making movies. SO STRESSED. I refuse to do this for the rest of my life. I'm not a filmmaker. I'm a public speaker/comedian/performer. Not a filmmaker. I have decided. Now to finish my last semester of college and probably my last film. I dearly hope I graduate and nothing weird or unplanned keeps me from graduating.

Of course, I'll always shoot little stuff, you know, but not these big productions. I've officially had enough.

The Perfect Gift

Well, I did it.

I finally succeeded in giving someone the perfect gift at the perfect time.

I'm going to put that on my bucket list just so I can check it off cuz I've never done that before. WIN!

It makes me want to give more gifts. Random gifts. I really want to make people feel special and loved. Lord, enable me to live a life of cheerful giving.

At Least I Know How He Feels

My crushycrush just posted this message on my Facebook:

"I totally forgot you existed for a while. But then I remembered that you do."

At least I know what he thinks of me now. He goes for long periods of time believing the world does not contain my human presence. I think the odds of us getting together are high.

My Ideal Social Structure

Small houses are close to each other and share a common area.

People dance together. Big group dances.

They grow much of our own food and have goats and chickens.

Lots of laughing.

Everyone plays a part.

Hospitals still exist.

The houses are in trees. Or at least our bedrooms are in the trees.

My First Good Birthday

Dude, I had a great birthday. First time I felt great and not weird. Finally!

Nothing super special about it, but I wasn't expecting anything.

I just delighted in seeing my best friend who brought me a dozen mini bunt cakes of assorted flavors. And my uncle who sent a delightful email and had his almost-adopted son sing me happy birthday on the phone. And an old crush wrote a great happy birthday note on my facebook:

"I hope your birthday is filled with magic and sprinkles and dancing and rainbows and chocolate and smiles and puppies and wonderful!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE!!! you are cool"

And I had lunch with friends and my first glass of wine. I went to work and had a great conversation with my boss. We chatted for like 15 minutes about life. He's the nicest person in the world.

Finally, I finished the night with Biblestudy. I received a card signed by everyone, and my current crush was there. In my card he wrote, "You're pretty funny. Keep it up." Bahahahaha Hilarious. He made many funny jokes tonight.

You know...as a comedian I laugh at things that other people don't laugh at. Instead of laughing I think, "Oh yea, I see how that joke works."

A joke that makes me laugh has to catch me off guard and have a spritz of quirkiness....or align with personal experiences I thought were unique to me.

Boy WOULD Happen Now

Tonight my wonderful crush approached me to tell me that he thought my Facebook status was super funny and made him laugh out loud!

We proceeded to chat about things. He asked me about what I was studying (which I have told him before--he's a forgetter) and also about where I'd be this summer (I told him this before too). Great. I leave for a different city in a week just when we're starting to have cute encounters.

He's quiet yet hilarious. And RELAXED beyond all reason.

This is kinda torture. And then if I meet someone in the new city, I'll have to leave him to come back here after the summer. And then I'll leave to go back to the new city after a few months. It's just so DIFFICULT to do commit to anything under these conditions (not just boys).

He's so attractive!!!!