So I better write this down before I forget

I just heard a sermon. The speaker was talking about Adam and Eve. He said how the first part of Genisis is written as legend. I got angry at that.

Then he made some innacurrate references. For example, he said that in the Old Testament, the place where they talk about homosexuality is in the same passage where they say you can't eat pigs and Christians eat pigs now so we don't know what's up with homosexuality. oh great, I thought. This guy is dangerous. Because those two are NOT in the same passage.

And then I started getting convicted when he quoted Jesus saying that true religion is taking care of orphans and widows. Dang. I don't take care of orphans or widows. I go about my day, and I don't think about the problems in the world because I fear that there's nothing I can do. And I honestly want to have fun and live my life. I close off from God because I'm afraid He'll turn it around and ask me to do something I won't want to do. But I know that's the devil talking. Because honestly, if God wants me to do something and God has the best plan for me, what should I be afraid of?

homelessness
singleness
no bed
no apple pie
no soap
whatever

I basically am just living right now to get to December. To go home and see my family.

Spending time with God has become something to check off the list. I don't live and breathe God right now. I talk to my mom more than I talk to God. I don't fall on my knees in desperate need of him every morning. Instead, I'm scurrying around to finish homework and get ready for my 9am French class.

God, I'm so mad at my selfishness. And then I'm mad at my getting mad because I know getting mad won't change anything. What do you want from me? YOU WANT EVERYTHING! And I don't like that. But I know it's the only way and I know it's the best way. And yet I'm afraid.

Please send a great fish to swallow me.

Jesus Meets Homesickness

God has been teaching me to bring my feelings before Him. And He's been blowing my mind.

"Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

I have been very homesick lately so I told God about it. Immediately Jesus came to mind, and I realized how homesick He must have been. Jesus had to leave heaven to be on Earth for 33 years. 33 YEARS!!! I'm sure getting dirt stuck in his scandals was a step down from racing God the Father and His angels through celestial canyons.

Jesus never complained about it, but I'm certain Jesus missed heaven. Why? Because He was ALWAYS praying to God the Father. He was constantly on the phone with his Dad!

Now I don't feel so weird for calling my Mom and Dad every single day because I miss them to death.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me great and unsearchable things I had not known before. I love you.

people and how stupid we are

Okay, God. How can you love us so much? I'm almost mad that you love us because we are so disgusting.

Let's start with me. Today I totally failed.

I was talking to a girl for the No Secrets campaign. I was telling her that we are a part of a Christian fellowship organization. She responded with, "I figured as much."

I had no idea what to say. Truly nothing. Nothing was there at all. "So do you have a secret?" seemed inappropriate. I felt like, "I figured as much" totally solidfied all judgements she had about us. So I said something really stupid: "Yea, some people are hostile when they find out we are a Christian group." What she said: "I'm not hostile." What I said, "Okay. Cool. Have a good day."

eeewwwwugh. Who am I? Definitely not cool. If anyone comes to be free in Christ through this outreach, it definitely won't be because of people on either end of the ministry stick. It will be a supernatural miracle--not like there are any other miracles.

Also.

LORD, I am having a hard time being patient with people who don't love you or put you first. I'm like...how can they not love you? I don't understand. And how can they not believe in you? You are so obvious.

But then I remember the times when I have put things before spending time with You. And there are also times when I doubt your Word. Please forgive me. Change me.

Thank you that you have far more grace and patience than I do.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Red Leaves

What if I moved to Massachusetts. Not right now. After college.

Then, say I made some friends.
Then, say they asked me why I moved to Massachusetts.

I would roll the answer around in my mouth for a while to measure its foolishness.





Red leaves.






I came here to watch trees become rainbows.

I moved here to know the day Fall arrived. To step outside of my house, take in a long, deep breath and declare, "The air is crisp today!"

I moved here to caress pumpkins. To kill the slugs in my garden until I grow a beaming orange globe.

Frost.

I moved here see dirt freeze into tiny little ice caves.

Grasshoppers.

I moved here to see a grasshopper lay its eggs in a wooden fence.

Acorns.

Acorns are magical. It's why they are always stolen.

Thunder. Lightening.

I came here to be interrupted.


But the real reason I came here is because I fell in love with this place a long time ago, and I was never able to put it behind me.