The Idea of Vacation

I've never really been on a relaxing vacation...you know, the kind where you just sit there....relaxing.

I always have somewhere I have to be or there are things I have to get for people....like Christmas presents.

Anyway. Well, I suppose even getting a massage is going somewhere and doing something.

Whatever. I don't even care.

What I do care about is Mr. High-five. I got a high-five from him today. I also got a hug from him. And we had dinner with mutual friends. It was a good night. But I just have no idea what he thinks of me. Does he like me? I don't know. A couple weeks ago we basically went on a date, but I have no idea if he thought it was a date or just hanging-out.

It was a freaking date, though. It was. If you looked up "date" in the dictionary, what we did would be in there.

He's so adorable.

I hate how awesome he is. It kills me.

It also kills me that I'll be gone for a month. Away from him. But maybe it will be liberating.....no, definitely not. It will kill me. I'll think about him every single day. I'm so tired of thinking about him. I need a vacation.

But I'm afraid if I go away, he'll forget about me. He'll find another girl or something. And that would devastate me. But I shouldn't be afraid. God's got this. He had this before the beginning of time. I should just go home to my parents and friends and have lot's of fun. I need to let this go.

Here you go, Lord. Every day, help me give this to you. I realize there are far more important circumstances that need working out more than my boy issues. And yet you care about even the smallest conversations and desires. You're amazing.