Peace & Joy

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into his grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God." - Ro 5:1-2

Lord, I am so thankful for You. You are my peace and my joy.

My housemate who has decided to follow the Enemy's plans instead of God's glorious plans just finished moving out of my house an hour ago. Phew. My two months of having a strange boy use my bathroom, finding dirty floss in the shower, and having front row seats to this girl's spiritual death are over!

As she left with her boyfriend, I was overcome with gladness that I am the Lord's and He is mine. God, you are my peace and my joy. I often think I really want a boyfriend/eventual husband SO BADLY, but you know, with You in my life, I don't think I feel it as much as those without you feel it.

I just have a little boy void, but others have a God void AND a boy void that they try to stuff both with a boy.

I am so thankful for your love for me! God, please forgive me for speaking badly about others and telling third parties about things that aren't their business. I ask for a new start where I am careful not to speak poorly of others because I don't want them to speak poorly of me. I want to treat those you love with the same love you show me.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Ro. 5:8

It's About God, whaaaat have i been doing?

So this might seem OBVIOUS, but I am realizing that in the Bible, people pretty much only write about God.

Here are some random verses I opened up to throughout the Bible in one sitting just to get an idea of how many directly relate to God:

"Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts. Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth." Psalm 96:8-9

"The LORD sent Nathan to David." 2 Samuel 12:1

"the LORD said to Joshua...'Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.'" Josh 1:6

"Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matt 7:7

Basically, there isn't a single verse that doesn't advance my knowledge of God and/or his interactions with people.

Well, life has become more about me than it has about God. In U.S. culture, we are highly self-centered and pleasure-seeking--not God-glorifying. Sure, there is definitely space to talk about things other than God... you know....car keys, trail mix, showers. But man, I need to ascribe more glory to God! ...and not just pretend to.

I've really been challenged lately to only care about what God thinks of me. Not others. Ah...here I am, talking about me again. If all the authors of the Bible focused on their own personal struggles instead of the Kingdom, that wouldn't be very helpful, would it?

God, what are you saying? What are you orchestrating?

Lord, I'm not leading a nation. I have not had the kind of experience to write a book of the Bible. In general, I am not particularly important to the world's rotation. And I haven't even led anyone to Christ in years. Man, I'm so selfish and lazy. I'd rather watch the Big Bang Theory than rest in Your Presence sometimes. Please forgive me, God.

I should go on a TV fast. TV won't fill the void. Only you will, Lord.

Rodents in the Walls

There's a dead rodent somewhere in the walls of the house i live in. It smells disgusting.

One of my close friends (let's call her Joanna) has started dating a guy (let's call him Max) I've had a big crush on for a while. I mean, I'm getting over him, but what's keeping me from not totally getting over him is the fact that he sends me like a really thoughtful or cute text about every week.

So I told Joanna tonight how I am bitter towards her. Not just because she's dating Max but because she's always been a boy-hog in my mind. Always flirtsy wirtsy and focused on them. Like when I'm at a table with her and some guys, she'll only talk to the guys--not me. So I've been bitter for a while and haven't said anything until tonight. I asked her to pray for me not to be bitter toward her.

We'll see how I change and heal. One thing's for almost sure.....the next time Max texts me I'm either going to ignore it or --if it's a cute question--just ask him not to text me.

I have a big film shoot tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it. Making movies is so totally difficult. It's the hardest thing in the world. OH MY GOSH.

God is good. Lord, grant me peace that transcends my understanding.

I want to learn how to play the guitar.

Luke 23, 24

Luke 23:50-56

I like Joseph. He was a member of the Sanhedrin which hated Jesus and sentenced him to death, but instead of agreeing with the other Council members, Joseph "did not consent to their decision and action." He even asked for Jesus' body and placed it in a pristine tomb.

Sometimes the popular opinion is not the right one, and it's difficult to conduct oneself differently from friends and coworkers...sometimes even Christian friends. In those moments when I need to be more concerned about pleasing God than Man, I want to walk the narrow road like Joseph.

Luke 24:49
"I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high."

Jesus didn't want the believers to leave the city until they had POWER. Wow. What if I never left my room in the morning until I considered the power that is mine in the Holy Spirit? What does it mean to do everything in the strength of the Holy Spirit? Wow! What would it look like to go to work in the power of the Holy Spirit?

God, I pray that when I work today from 4-6 that I would work with an awareness of your Presence in me. I pray I would conduct myself in a way that is honoring to you by wearing proper attire, arriving on time, and being ready to engage in blessed conversations.

I'm very tired. I pray that tonight I will get a restful night sleep so that I will have more energy to serve you tomorrow.

I am not holy apart from Jesus. Thank you for paying for my imperfections. Thank you that I'm free to live for you without worrying about your wrath. Thank you for my relationship with you, Lord. I've missed spending time with you. Thank you for this time with you. I love you, God!

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Why (the heck) do I Have a Blog?

I guess I probably shouldn't have a blog. I mean, I only write posts to get out my aggression. I have been assuming that 0-1 people read my blogs. However, now a couple more people are starting to follow me, so......

I just want to say that normally I am quite a fun/funny person, but my blog is usually the place I go when I'm angry, frustrated, or sad.

Click on the title of this blog to enter my Youtube world where I entertain the humans with my usually funny self.

Correction

Taking criticism. I'm getting better at it. But to be fair, I could be much better at it. I still get the pang of regret and self-hatred when someone tells me I need to improve. I often make excuses in an attempt justify myself. I can't stand thinking I've hurt someone, haven't done my best or am thought of poorly.

I wouldn't say I've been a stellar student this semester. I've been unmotivated and discouraged.

BUT

Yesterday I had a very productive day. I felt so good about the work I did on 4 different productions. I feel awesome about working on the final production for my film class. The guy I'm working with is fun and talented. We get along ducklings and are excellent brainstormers. I'm feeling like a go-getter again.

Lord, please heal my work ethic. I want to be a good steward of the gifts you've given to me. May I make the most of them to give you more glory. And may i be humble enough to ask people for criticism so that I can improve. And help me to practice giving. What is my role in the church? Is my church IV or CABC? In Jesus' name, make it happen!

Steps in the direction of making the most God has given me includes putting more effort into the videos I make, learning After Effects, working on as many shoots as a can, looking into making music videos, praying for a better camera, and getting a website. I really want to try to make music videos.

You know, maybe I'll live in Seattle, have my own production company, and do comedy instead of starting over in Portland. We'll see. God, how can I give you the most glory with my life?