I just realized that I'm afraid of being poor. I always pretended I wasn't, but I am.
I want so many things. For some reason I imagine that owning horses, having a farm, and somehow also being a movie-maker and the wife of an adoring husband would make me happy. Since I don't have those things, I'm restless, scrambling to begin to get them.
God, I am not able to see your glory right now. I don't understand your love. I gave up trying to understand it. But I have to give my life away to you because there is no other way that is good. It's because of your love that it's good. There is no way all those materials and fame would make me happy because I've seen it make a lot of people unhappy.
Lord, I will lose the fight in getting what I want. But God, I can't lose the fight when I'm on Your side, serving You.
"The branch that bears the most fruit bows the lowest."
Lord, I may not win any earthly contests, but show me how to win the heavenly one. I know through Jesus I win, but I mean...dangit, how the heck can I be a branch that bears tons of fruit when I'm so completely selfish? I can't. God, break the selfishness in me. Help me to let you break it off of me so that I can work out my salvation.
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