Is Having Fun Allowed?

"Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me" -C.S. Lewis Song

I am not long here. I want to make the most of my life and not live for my comfort. For a while I was confused. I thought living for comfort was equal to not doing things my heart longs to do like being around dogs, hiking, and watching movies. I felt guilty for doing things that don't directly involve ministry.

But the gospels often explain how Jesus would go off alone to pray in the mountains. I wonder what Jesus did for fun or if he just prayed to be filled to overflowing.

Hmmmm. But when Jesus came back from the mountain, everyone said, "Jesus, everyone's been looking for you!"

If Jesus didn't take little vacations to be rejuvenated, He'd be empty with nothing to give. I have often walked around some days with nothing to give because I didn't take a little vacation with God that morning. I think spending time with God and recreation is very important for loving other people because when I'm not filled with joy, I'm no fun to be around and I end up taking rather than giving.\

Phew. I'm so glad that having fun is a part of loving other people.

^(inspired by Waking the Dead by John Eldredge)^

When things don't work out the way they should, I can take comfort in the fact that this world is not my home like the song says. I belong to the Kingdom of God. Why be surprised when this world disappoints? We know it's disappointing. I want to rejoice in the reality that I get to spend eternity in paradise with my Father. So Lord, since I already have paradise in my future, let's make the most of my life. May my perspective be restored each day so I'm ready to give up myself to obey you. In Jesus' name, Amen

Miniscule Problems and the Funny I Glean from Them

I am one of the luckiest humans on Earth because I was born into a healthy, middle class, Christian family in the United States. Plus, Mavis Beacon taught me how to type. Pretty much the best circumstance I could be in.

My problems are miniscule compared to what the rest of the world endures, but.....

I don't know what I need to do with my human lifetime. My diamond mind is fingering through the cornucopia of life's career gourds and my gorgeous bones are bouncing on the trampoline of whattheheck. This is my early life crisis.

Should i make the video? Should i tell the joke? Should I train the dog? I don't know. But I know I want to live in a treehouse like in Swiss Family Robinson. I met a guy at the airport. I told him about my treehouse idea and he said he'd jump at the opportunity to live in a treehouse. So we're getting married.

Did you know some people have diarrhea instead of throwing up? I think I'm one of those people. One time I had diarrhea at work so I kept going into the bathroom. On my third or fourth trip in there, my boss came out of a stall and affirmed me that she did not stink up the bathroom. * Nervous laugh *

My parents don't want me telling poop jokes anymore because they don't think it's classy. I don't know where along the line they became convinced I was classy, but I'm guessing they didn't buy me the "I Pooped Today" shirt I put on my Christmas Wish List.

Desires and Surrender

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass … Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.” Psalm 37:4-7

“… whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.” Luke 14:33

“And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve … But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

Here are my desires: To own a bunch of land where I can have lots of treehouse dwellings connected by suspension bridges (Google Ewoks), cultivate a garden, and care for lots of animals, especially big dogs. And not be alone.

But I can't take any of those things to heaven. Lord, my one desire needs to be to serve you. I am not my own. That makes me sad in a way, but I know that's the Enemy trying to steal, kill, and destroy the perfect plans you have for my life. You have the best in mind and you see everything I don't see.

Lord, I know that you are ready to show me awesome things, but I need to wait on you daily, pray, listen, seek you with all of my heart.

When have I ever saught you with ALL of my heart? The last time I remember seeking you with all my heart was when I studied the book of Mark on a retreat last Spring. I know I can't always be on a retreat.

I'm scared to live for only you. I like being my own lord, but I know that's not the best and probably not even decent. So God, please help me to surrender everything I am to you. eeeevvverrrrryyyy last DROP!

Strengths Test

So I took a strength's test today and found out my top strength is intrapersonal skillage which is basically reflecting a lot on oneself and circumstances and new info. Which I do A LOT, and I think it's strange that I'm intrapersonal AND extroverted. Most self-reflecting people are introverted.

Anyway, this site told me that people who are high-scoring on intrapersonal and linguistics (which I also scored high on) should keep a journal. I consider my blog my journal and I love writing down my thoughts for processing purposes.

So what's on my mind today?

I went to a Christmas party. There were so many girls with dates, but not I. Classic. I tried to stay away from Max who is now in a relationship with my friend. I was mostly successful. He came over once and said hi while I was in the middle of eating ice cubes. I commented on their crunchiness. It was a lame conversation. Got what I wanted.

You know, this is what's really on my mind...my boy bubble/force field. God has put a boy bubble around me I believe. I'm funny, smart and cute but guys never ask me out or show interest. And I believe God won't pop my bubble until the right guy comes into my life. THE ONE, if you will. Because when I was like 8, I prayed I would only date the guy I'm going to marry. Big mistake. God answers prayer.

My dad said this creepy thing last summer. I was in the kitchen with him complaining about how I don't have boyness. He said that I will....this year. How could he be so confident in that? Is this a guess? A word from God? I don't know. I'm scared to ask.

But my honest belief is that it WILL happen this year. Over the summer. When I'm living back "home" with my parents. My parents just moved, so my "home" has changed. New people. New boyness.

I think both my parents are feeling that my boyness is approaching. I feel like he's going to be kinda older than me. Like maybe 24. And he's going to make my heart go pitter-pat. I haven't let my heart go pitter-pat in a long time cuz it's poisonous.

Youtube.

This is the other thing that's on my mind. People think I'm funny and like my videos, but my popularity is not growing. STAGNATION. I've tried to make different kinds of videos to shake things up, but NO SUCCESS.

My friend, Nhat (a hilariously outgoing Vietnamese exchange student), told me he likes my videos but that I'm funnier in real life. Which struck me as odd because I felt that I didn't make a humorous impression when we hung out. OH WELL. I'll try to be more of myself in my videos. Alison, what do you think?

Oh my gosh, back to my intrapersonalness.....when people say things and I don't respond quickly enough for them, they think I'm upset or something, but I'm really just processing. I want to say the right thing. haha. Explains so much. My dad does the same thing and he scored the highest on intrapersonalness too.